I certainly resonate with some of this. A part of me doesn't mind being alone and I am an introvert and certainly would like a friend that I can emotionally connect with.

After much thought and consideration, though, I've opted not to look for that friend. I'll never have friends to hang out with. I'm not really the friend type. But all that said, it hasn't stopped it from seriously hurting and on some level wishing I could find that friend.

I hope you find what you are looking for in the friendship you so desire.