I don't know if this will help or not, but maybe one of the things that I got out of years and years of therapy -- and doing my own research -- is that avoiding feeling the hatred is not necessarily such a good idea, either. Yes, you don't want to give in and act on it, necessarily. And it feels really, really horrible to hate someone. But hate, as they say is just a feeling. It has a purpose. It tells me something about how the other person affected me.

In your OP you wrote:

After lots and lots of therapy and lots and lots of years, I can say that I was hurt by my family of origin and yet I loved them, too, and so shut down, denied, whatever you want to call it, the "hate" that I had for them, too, because of them hurting me. Sucks, yeah? So then there was lots and lots about my relationships with them, and relationships in general, that I didn't know or understand or deal with well.

I don't know anything about your family, I don't remember you writing anything about them, so I can't make any presumptions. But IF people in your family hurt you, too, then it's possible that started a pattern of continuing to seek out people who have hurt and abandoned you. Because as a little person they were the only ones you could look to for help, in spite of the fact that they hurt you, too. At least that was true for me.

Finding help and support on PC is a pretty safe way to look for it, I've found. Not as good in some ways as a person "in real life" that you can see. But I've found a lot of kind, unhurtful humanity in the people who post on these forums, and maybe you will, too? And even if someone says something that strikes me as hurtful, it's a lot easier to process, just being text.