I would second what here today wrote, I think some things could be going on here that echo back to how things were in your family growing up. I know you had really strong transference for this T, at least partly a paternal transference I think.

Trying to take all the blame on yourself, even when you had a T who clearly did some unprofessional things, also seems like an echo back to how a child might feel when they've been mistreated by adults. Children usually take the blame all on themselves and think if the adult was mistreating them then they must be a particularly bad child. I think that could conceivably be part of what's going on for you now.

There is also a desire to force a familiar story -- of being mistreated by someone paternal -- to go a different way this time. I think that can sometimes feel almost irresistible -- to try one more time, to make it come out differently.

I don't think highly of your previous T though. A therapist should never put their hands on a client in a physically aggressive way like that. It sounds like he wanted to make you sign a contract and if you wouldn't then he had no interest in even pretending to be kind. It makes me wonder if he is a naturally compassionate person-- it doesn't sound like it really.

Your feelings about having found gentler people recently -- I think those were good instincts. Are there other gentle people in your life -- a friend? an aunt? your current T? -- that you could try to see a bit more of?