Hello Ethan: I see this was your first post here on PC. (I'm sorry you're only now receiving your first reply.) Anyway... that said... welcome to PsychCentral! Assuming you're still with us, I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Unfortunately, I don't know as there is a lot I can suggest here. You've clearly been through a lot in your young life. It's going to take time & effort to work though all of it. From what you wrote, it sounds like you have no faith or trust in doctors (psychiatrists in particular) or therapists. I can't say as I blame you. I'm not a fan either. However, short of finding a therapist you can trust & work with, I'm not sure what the alternative is.

The possibility that you have an eating disorder appears to be a major concern for you currently. Perhaps looking into the possibility of being evaluated at an eating disorders program might be worthwhile. Here are links to 3 eating disorders screening quizzes from PsychCentral's archives:

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/eating-disorder-quiz/

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/eating-disorders-quiz/

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/eating-attitudes-test/

May I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!