Hi Guy`s ,

Thanks , I appreciate you reading my story. I`ll be the first to admit , it is weird me being scared to cry. I mean if I was one of those testosterone bullies then ya , but I am not , I like the Hallmark Channel for cry`n out load , and with all the tear jerkers , you would think crying would not be an issue.

It`s simple , I saw my big strong dad lose it when after my mom died and I have to be the strong one to help my dad , so I did not have time , then he got sick and passed 10 years latter , this June will be 10 + 3 ,and the last 3 have been so bad , I ended up in therapy .

I don`t want to break apart , that is what I told my T , she asked "what would happen if you were not holding on to all that grief " ?

As I was telling her what I think would happen, my heart rate increased / my o2 decreased / numbness in my extremities . I said I would just fall apart , break into a million pieces , that is when I said , but I can tell you my physiology state right now.

Then she talked me down and I said what am I going to do , I know in order to move on with all the other junk I have to end this , she agreed and said we will just have to go slow so you don`t break apart.

Fine , but I still have concerns , sure I trust my T , it`s me I don`t trust.

I never violent or suicidal , nothing like that , I just don`t want get into such a way that I might have a psychotic break.

Anyway , thanks again , take care

KP 