I posted this on a board where there are only like 5 people...I want some feedback so I posted it here...more people here.

I want to drive to where my X lives...we haven't talked in 8 days..we broke up 7 months ago when I asked him to leave my house.

I asked him to leave after 3 years of dealing with his drug problem.
There were NO other problems..except when he used every single night for about 8 hours.

My son laughs at me when I say there were no other problems. My son says..there aren't many problems that are BIGGER than drug/alcohol problems.

I am an alcoholic too so I understand addiction which is why I put up with it for so long.

he tried everything to get me back in his life over the past 7 months..and I did everything to continue to push him away.

This morning I am feeling a pure panic feeling in my stomach of missing him..only thinking of the "good" times and forgetting the bad.

Can't even stomach the fact of him being with anyone else.

And I myself can not stomach the fact of dating.

I know he is probably with someone else because he stated many times about how short life is and he hates being lonely and needs to have a women in his life which he preferred to be me.

I have this STRONG urge today to drive to his apartment, knock on the door and see who is there.

I have a STRONG feeling someone is there. I wonder if it is anyone from his past that I struggled with? When we broke up and I saw him a couple months later..he stated he had contacted ONE of the women I was concerned about..he said just because he was lonely and she knew him as a person. He said nothing happened and it was only a phone conversation.

And I wonder if she is there now...I look at him moving on as a betrayal..even thou I pushed and pushed him to stay out of my life.

A month ago..he couldn't go one day without texting me..even if I told him not to...Now it has been 8 days which leads me to believe he HAS to be with someone else.

I play it thru that if I drive there and knock on the door and discover who he is with (cause I would BARGE in as soon as the door opens)...What is that going to do for me?

I am thinking it would help me move on. I have expected that if he IS with someone else I would have received a text from him during the hours he is at work...Its killing me that i haven't heard from him.

But, it is not possible for me to be in a relationship with him at this time anyway because I am working on my sobriety and he is not.

What is the reason you see that I feel this strong urge to go there? Cause i know logically it solves nothing...but I can't seem to stop this urge I am having...if my car wasn't in such bad shape...I would probably already be there.