I know exactly how you feel Dazzle, because I am feeling exactly the same right now. I made an appointment a couple weeks ago with a psychiatrist and they set it for Feb. 6. You'd think they would be aware how anxious and scared I am but then to go and set the appointment weeks off for me to obsess and go crazy thinking about it. I keep meaning to call a doctor too but haven't brought myself to do it.

I'm terrified of taking medicine again myself. A few years ago a doctor put me on Effexor and Lithium (I am NOT Bipolar, he was wrong). For months he was giving me samples because I didn't have insurance. Then all of a sudden he says he's out and I have to fill the prescription. It was like $200 or something rediculous. So yeah I just had to stop taking it all of a sudden, which is REAL bad. Long story short I couldn't leave my room, let alone my house for a week. Lost my job, my apartment, my girlfriend. It was a nightmare. They're not doing that to me again.

Not saying that we are wrong for seeking treatment. That's a great thing and a courageous thing. Just saying I understand how you are feeling and I think a little fear of what they can do to you when you trust them to treat a condition like this and they fail. I too had a friend who killed himself 12 years ago who was Bipolar and being treated, it was devestating.

Just keep in mind that they are not gods and not infallible. Ask questions, research the drugs yourself and if you don't want to take something because of potential side effects, tell them. If it seems they aren't listening or are misdiagnosing you, find someone else. No one will ever put some random pill in my hand again. I'm not a car, if they mess up fixing me I don't just break down and end up late to work.

Best of luck to you friend. Let's keep each other posted on how things are. I'm going through it too and I feel pretty damn alone with it. I also feel scared of letting anyone in on anything where I might been seen as weak. I've come to realize that even close friends and family might rather turn there back on you than have to help you through something difficult. That may be my messed up state of mind talking but it's how I really feel. Here, under anonymity, I can share how I really feel though and that may be helpful for all of us here struggling with this.