My T generally follows me lead on stuff like that. If I ask for a specific thing (like scheduling or rescheduling an appointment or for a specific piece of information), she will provide it if she can but will generally not ask more until I see her in session next. If I give her more emotion-based information, she will usually engage with me on that level. But she isn't somebody I would describe as rigid and she does allow outside contact when I want/need it, so I don't know if this necessarily applies to your situation.

I do think this is the kind of thing that makes for great therapy material. It has been helpful for me to talk about what happened, how I felt, what the implications are, etc. A lot of really great growth has come from those conversations. I think it has also helped my T better understand how to help me, by realigning my expectations or by changing how she responds to my requests or by explaining why she responded the way she did. I have also been surprised by how often I make assumptions about why things went the way they did that have little to no basis in reality (e.g., you think I am too demanding, my needs don't deserve to be met, etc). It can be tricky stuff, but I hope your T is able to talk to you about it in a way that is helpful. Or you don't think he is the therapist for you, I hope you are able to find one who can help you through things like this. I'm sorry you're having a rough time, and I hope things start feeling better soon.