I keep thinking that I should text him for clarifications or for whatever reason. But then I keep thinking that he hurted me and doesnt deserve my money. But at the same time I feel like we can't end here and that I need to text him. But what I'll write to him? I want to pay you? Sounds too naive. I'll wait and I'll speak with my new therapist. I want to tell her what happened and then I'll ask her. I feel like I shouldn't obsess over this and simply forget but I just can't forget. It's true that what happened hurted me because I had unresolved hurts from my family. That's why I'm so in pain. I don't know why I wasn't in so much pain after the event. I felt detached, and forgot things. Now it's like everything is coming back.