Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricManatee
One thing that's been helpful for me is to recognize that I can be incredibly angry with my T and have my feelings be valid and real, even if my T hasn't done anything wrong. The same thing is true even if I think she has done something wrong but she won't apologize for it. There are ways to repair the relationship in both situations, and exploring the angry feelings is so, so important. The first time I got white-hot infuriated by my T, it was because of a very small, very forgivable mistake. But the experience of being free to express my (admittedly mostly irrational) anger was so important and useful, and my T was very calm and helpful and took it like a champ.
I think this is a real opportunity to understand your feelings, and your feelings are real and valid regardless of whether your T or anybody here thinks his response to the text was appropriate. Therapy is messy stuff, but that's okay.
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But that's the thing - I don't know that a feeling can be both valid and irrational. Just because it's real doesn't make it valid. I think what's valid is perhaps the reason a person has come to respond the way they do, but I don't think just because someone feels a certain way, that it must be validated. I mean, think about it in the context of a sexually abusive person. Would you say that their expectation that someone else provide sex whenever they want it, however they want it is irrational? I assume you would. Would you then say that the abuser's feelings of outrage and entitlement are still valid? I wouldn't. I guess I'm just confused about real vs. valid.