Every day I get more anxious about this. I haven’t emailed HR yet to say I’m coming back. I have to think about how to word it because I need to ask for accommodations as well, i.e. intermittent fmla. I’m afraid they will refuse. I don’t have much money left, not enough to take me to the end of February.

It just makes me sick to think about going back to that environment, where I don’t know anything at all and can’t help any of the kids and just stand there for 87 minutes while my co teacher stares me down. I will probably be able to continue with my one on one math training but what for? I just can’t grasp math. I feel so bad that I took this position. I thought I could learn the math quickly but I can’t, my brain doesn’t work that way.

Then they will expect me to go over the homework and do the do now. I will just have to say that I’m not comfortable with it. That’s the only thing I can do. I can’t handle standing up there feeling like I’m going to screw up and my co teacher will make fun of me behind my back to the other math teachers.

I know I’m freaking myself out and that most of this is in my head...but I just don’t know. I’m going to have to do the best I can.