I was really irritable today. I didn't mean to take out my anger on anyone, but when I came home, I did. I feel bad about it. At the same time, I was triggered by a family member who pointed out how "non functional," I am. I feel like a failure sometimes. Around the house, I am bad at keeping everything in order, going through my mail on time, cleaning everything as timely as I should, and cooking. These things create so much anxiety. I don't leave things dirty, but I can be disorganized. Growing up in a home where expectations are high has affected my self-esteem.

Sometimes I think about if I were to have a spouse, what I would bring to the relationship. I was engaged a long time ago, but I think part of the reason his love faded for me was because I wasn't great at upkeeping everything to his standards.