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Perna said:

Do you have an older aunt or relative you could talk to about your childhood and what they know or remember?

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Well, here's the tricky thing. When I was younger, my mother told me that there was a secret about me that I wasn't old enough to deal with - that she would tell me when she thought I could handle it. She said my sister also knew this "secret". Well, when I turned 30 I thought I was far past old enough to deal with whatever it was. When I asked my mother, she denied ever telling me that. When I asked my sister, she claims to have no knowledge either. My mother's not a good liar, but she does have issues of her own (went through shock therapy back in the 60s and has issues with memory) so maybe she really doesn't remember telling me. My sister is sneaky and could very well be lying to me now. I am not on speaking terms with my aunt (mother's sister) and really don't know what, if anything, she might know. My dad is a very closed person - I've hinted to him before, but nothing. So I've almost exhausted all of the logical avenues. Anyone else who might know anything is dead (grandmother, grandfather, etc.)

I'm guessing that this would have occurred at some point before I turned 8 years old, which is the time my parents divorced. From what I understand, I was partially the reason for the divorce (this supposed event anyway), but I'm thinking I was far younger than that - maybe even as young as 2-4 years old.

I never though of the fact of being too young to even uncover the memories. I just assumed that if something happened to you, that you would remember it eventually with the right circumstances. Valid point, Perna. Although someone disheartening thinking I may never know what really happened.

Can one truly put something like this behind them and stop letting it rule your life if you know that you can't ever know the truth?