Finally found a forum where I thought I could run some things by people and get a few anonymous opinions, but then I saw that the threat is literally filled with the exact same thing.

Some quick actual health and hospitalization information.. had teenage epilepsy. Insomniac. I was once put in some kind of behavorial clinic for a 72 hour "suicide watch"... that was all a huge misunderstanding, and I was there less than 12 hours. The first doctor to arrive in the morning released me with the pretense that I continue seeing a counselor from MHMR. After a couple of months of that, MHMR informs me that they believe I have antisocial personality disorder, which is something the state is not helping with at the moment. So obviously I threw that out the window immediately just because I know how cheap and shady a lot of our "healthcare system" works.

Fast forward a couple of years, and my stress levels from dealing with all the moronic people I had to at the time at work was driving me nuts, and my neurologist (from the teenage epilepsy) referred me to a psychiatrist. I told her what MHMR had said, along with my thoughts on it. After chatting for while she throws me on a some weird combination of meds, though the two I remember were lithium and trazodone. No idea if that last one is even spelled correctly. She moved, I weened myself off of the meds, and I'm managing quite well now that I've moved and changed jobs. I also use something medicinally at night when I want to actually sleep.

More or less, I have no idea if that diagnosis is even in the ballpark. I can see where it comes from, quite easily actually, but there are certain things that I've read, heard, and/or been told that have me questioning it. First and foremost, I can say that I have little to no empathy for anyone or anything. Honestly, most of the time that someone is giving me some whiney story I just think about something that bothers me so I at least have a facial expression for them to look at. Most of the things people do actually don't make any sense to me. A lot of them, I can understand their reasoning for it, but their reasoning still just seems completely idiotic and/or convoluted.

I actually maintain a pretty high level of honesty most of the time, but it's really just because its the easiest way I've found of keeping attention away from myself, and if needed later on, use that trust to my advantage. The only time this doesn't really apply is to my family. With them, playing a victim works best at times, while intimidation does a much better job others.

There are a lot of other things I can get into about just my personal lifestyle as well (early thirties, live alone, no pets, no plants, etc..) but I think this is more or less a decent intro..

My dilemma is... I know that a lot of this can be characteristic. As in, I know.. that doing these things is.. bad.. bascically. Again, going by what I've read, heard, etc.. if I'm actually like a sociopath of some kind, then I shouldn't know that things I do are wrong, should I?

That's where I'm at a complete loss. The psychiatrist that had me on lithium and trazodone (sp?) never actually said anything along the lines of a diagnosis. And again, a lot of what I've read and heard seems as though I shouldn't know the difference between right and wrong. I know the difference. I just don't agree, understand, or follow it..

Probably a lot of typos in there, operating on very little sleep.