My mother died when I was 3 and I don't remember her at all and that was really hard for me. She was having grand mal seizures all my life so I know I witnessed them, etc. but who knows (other than my aunt telling me about my early life, thank goodness) what my life was like? But I have several mysteries like that.

I have a friend who didn't find out she was adopted until she was in her 30's and then by some mean aunt or someone spilling the beans, trying to hurt her. Could it be something like that "about" you but not you personally; like that you were adopted or illegitimate or something?

My father and stepmother use to argue about me when I was 5-7 and one day in my 20's my stepmother said that I had almost caused their divorce. However, if you think about that as an adult in therapy, it's easier to understand that the child is not part of the marriage and the parents problems with their marriage doesn't have anything to do with the child. Maybe there was something one parent or someone didn't "like" that got them arguing like my parents use to argue about me and that is why you think the divorce had to do with you. Remember too, all these memories are memories of a child that can only partially understand no matter how hard they try. An adult could have seen or said something that set off the other adult who then says or does something that a child isn't going to know the difference about. So, if your mother just thought your father's brother might have abused you, for example (and let's say he didn't), she's going to tell you or imply that your uncle abused you and there's not going to be any memory there unless one "wants" what they think is there so bad they imagine one.

Did you ever read I Never Promised You a Rose Garden? I identify with one of the ending scenes where she figures out that the bars across her vision were only the bars from a baby crib. Our minds can do "fantastic" things storing, retrieving, and interpreting. You don't know any of your father's relatives? Just living all your life with a sense of secrecy is going to do ugly things to you, I'd think too. We didn't ever talk about or mention my mother and my stepmother kept going on about how we were "normal" when she got us and there was nothing wrong, etc. but I did spent from roughly 1970 to 2005 in therapy :-) I'd hardly say that was "nothing". I'm sure I paid out-of-pocket a good $100,000-150,000 or more for therapy over the years.