A little update, I texted him this morning saying "you need to say i'm sorry to me for what you've done to me one day". I don't know I wanted to send this text, I don't know if I've made a mistake. But I wanted to show him that I'm not forgetting about his action. I could report him. But I don't want to ruin his life. Today I feel hurt, I don't know why I'm feeling like this only now and not before! I guess before I was trying to supress my feelings and now that I'm feeling them they are stronger...If he doesn't reply he's a coward and it shows that he doesnt want to confront with me. I could call him tho...we'll see if he'll answer my text. He said in the hospital something like "we can hear from each other when you are dismissed". Like he replied quickly to my text.
Maybe I don't have to forget him. I'm allowed to feel hurted and all other emotions. I'll talk about this to my new T this friday since I feel low because of this.
I feel so tired and low today...he isn't replying to my text. I'll wait until afternoon. I want to call him at this point, I don't know if I'll solve something. The fact is I don't like phone calls at all it's my weak point or something...I feel like a burden to everyone, I'm not even able to call him because I'm afraid I'll feel too embarassed to even talk properly. I realized I felt anxiety with this therapist, I wasn't really able to talk during sessions and now I think it's my fault. Maybe if I talked more this would have never happened? But he's the therapist, he's supposed to be patient with clients that talk less right? I don't think a good therapist discard a client only because they are not that open. I'll discuss this with my new therapist. I want to hear from someone that it wasn't my fault. I also feel weak that I keep thinking about him and wanting to hear from him. Am I too weak, or naive? I'm defiitely a naive person, I always try to see the good in everyone even if they commit negative things, I always hope for the best and think that good things will always happen.