thanks gang, i really appreciate you taking the time to respond. i'll let you know what happens. i feel such shame at being depressed and suicidal, but this time i'm fighting it by getting some help, and also by letting my friends know how i feel. i've felt this way for a month, but i sat down and wrote my two best friends this afternoon, and emailed my sister, too. i told them what was going on and that i was calling in all the troops to fight this black cloud that has invaded my heart and spirit. i asked for their love and support and i have it. i will keep fighting with everything i have. thanks again.