I'm still officialy employed, because you cannot fire someone who is on sick leave.
But I seem to have a complete social anxiety flare up, I just sit at home, completely paralized with it. It's like this guy has triggered something in me, like his behaviour (even though it was motivated by fear because he clearly feels threatened by me and is generally a person who is very defensive and afraid of rejection and doesn't go along well with anybody so tries to force it) was a confirmation of all my irrational fears (that people hate me and laugh at me, that I'm difficult to deal with etc). It's always like this, when I work with people. I keep going, keep going and then - after about a year or so - it just seems too much. It was better with the previous manager because he was experiencing what I go through as well and I knew it and he was very nurturing and honest towards me. I felt safe working under him.
Another problem is that, well, I am a difficult person to deal with. I mean, my communication style, the way I think and behave, my intelligence- it differs a bit from others. I know that people see me as this painfully ambitious, attractive, intimidating person. I was told that many times, especially by some men that feel attracted to me. I'm certainly a person who stands out. I've heard that this manager feels threatened by me and my skills and what he was saying just confirms that. The point is, I do not want to intimidate anyone. For months I've been trying to be as soft as possible, even though it's hard when you look the way I do, with my harsh voice and "predator gaze" (people say the way I look is like I've been piercing through their soul). Many people were comfortable working with me, especially when I was training or helping them (I'm the best when it comes to dealing with someone who, for example, gets sick etc, because I'm very gentle then), but there are also many who haven't interacted with me so much and feel stressed out by me, like I have this air of dominance. I really feel like a bad person because of this. I even have an acute stress reaction written on my sick leave bc this thing with my health and the situation just makes me feel out of control. I have issues with functioning without someone who offers me positive feedback and comforts me that I'm doing fine.