Quote:
Originally Posted by alpacalicious
A little update, I texted him this morning saying "you need to say i'm sorry to me for what you've done to me one day". I don't know I wanted to send this text, I don't know if I've made a mistake. But I wanted to show him that I'm not forgetting about his action. I could report him. But I don't want to ruin his life. Today I feel hurt, I don't know why I'm feeling like this only now and not before! I guess before I was trying to supress my feelings and now that I'm feeling them they are stronger...If he doesn't reply he's a coward and it shows that he doesnt want to confront with me. I could call him tho...we'll see if he'll answer my text. He said in the hospital something like "we can hear from each other when you are dismissed". Like he replied quickly to my text.
Maybe I don't have to forget him. I'm allowed to feel hurted and all other emotions. I'll talk about this to my new T this friday since I feel low because of this.
I feel so tired and low today...he isn't replying to my text. I'll wait until afternoon. I want to call him at this point, I don't know if I'll solve something. The fact is I don't like phone calls at all it's my weak point or something...I feel like a burden to everyone, I'm not even able to call him because I'm afraid I'll feel too embarassed to even talk properly. I realized I felt anxiety with this therapist, I wasn't really able to talk during sessions and now I think it's my fault. Maybe if I talked more this would have never happened? But he's the therapist, he's supposed to be patient with clients that talk less right? I don't think a good therapist discard a client only because they are not that open. I'll discuss this with my new therapist. I want to hear from someone that it wasn't my fault. I also feel weak that I keep thinking about him and wanting to hear from him. Am I too weak, or naive? I'm defiitely a naive person, I always try to see the good in everyone even if they commit negative things, I always hope for the best and think that good things will always happen.
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I think that maybe before you try to contact him again you might think what you want to happen from that contact. Do you want him to apologize? Would that fix things? Do you just want him to understand how you are feeling? Or do you just want to get the feelings out?
I have a horrible time talking on the phone too. It's hard because you can't see the person's reactions. I'm also shy and sometimes have problems talking in person too...particularly if I'm feeling emotional.
What has helped me, and might help you too is to write it all out...write a letter to him--not a text because those are so limiting--but a real letter. Explain what he did and what you did and what you felt about it all. But then you might not send it to him, at least not yet. Wait a day maybe and see if you still feel all those emotions. You could post it here if you wanted, and you could certainly take it to your new therapist. Be as angry as you need to be in that letter because you aren't sending it yet.
Eventually you might actually want to send him a letter. But depending on what you want, you might word it more carefully. People tend to become defensive when they feel like someone is "yelling" at them. A therapist *should* be able to handle that, but sometimes they can't. His response isn't your fault or responsibility, but you might be more likely to get him to understand if you focus on *your* feelings of hurt more than anger.
And be careful that you don't say anything that a reasonable person could interpret as a threat. The reason I say this is that he already threatened to call the police on you, right? I don't think he should have. Nothing you describe sounded threatening. So that makes me think that he might have a tendency to interpret things badly.
Sorry this is so long. I just really feel for you. I hate relationship problems.