I have been plagued with Major Depression, Anxiety and Panic d/o for 10 years now. Ten years. I haven't come out from under the dark cloud at all.
It started when menopause hit. I thought I was crazy for about 9 months and a therapist said "this looks like a bad menopause". Off I went to the gyn and got some hormones. Helped a little, not a lot. I had as close to a psychotic menopause as there is I suppose and the MDD and Anx.D/O are from that. I went from Assertive Professional to Crying, anxious mess in a month or less.

I was put on Lexapro to go with the hormones and that helped a lot. Then four or five months later Lorazepam to help with the panic/anxiety.
Just as I was coming out of it back to being me, a family tragedy sent me spiraling right back down. That was 2010. So that is 2 years. 2008-2010.

Somewhere I got on Effexor when the Lexapro pooped out. Still on Lorazepam. Valium was tried in there somewhere also. I didn't want such a long half life. But I know how to wean off Lorazepam now.

I take 225 Venlefaxine er and 1 mg Lorazepam twice daily. I also take Gabapentin for the nerves in my feet. Sometimes they say that has a mood stabilizing quality.

The problem is, I just don't have any hope that tomorrow is going to be any different than today. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and marching onward. No smiles, no happiness. I really don't think that happiness is something that will happen for me any more. I do remember it. I do remember how I was, it's just been so very long. I just had to vent. I had a pnp and a therapist. The PNP asked me on the second visit how life was going. I mentioned my biggest stressor (taking care of 89 y/o MIL) and he said "Well, that's good. You'll be rewarded for that." Don't think he even read my chart. The therapist never called to schedule an appt after the first one. I tried every week for 5 weeks to find out how to make one. Yes, this is true and sad. Like no help is there.
Thank you for listening.