Granite,

I've read your posts for quite a long time, and I have a couple of thoughts which may or may not resonate with you.

First of all, I agree that it sounds like your t is having some kind of countertransference reaction. I say this because I don't recall her ever being angry with you like this in the past (although you often thought she was angry). This time, though, it does seem like she is having a strong emotional reaction to what she perceives as you acting out.

My guess is that your t has hurt feelings because she probably thinks she has tried hard to earn your trust and connection, yet you continue to witness her speech and actions as being similar to the hurtful actions of your mom. However, she is the t. She is responsible for keeping her own emotions in check. If she can't manage her own feelings of hurt or anger, she needs to get some consultation from another professional t.

From reading about her in the past, she sounds to me like somebody who truly cares about you and thought that the way your mom treated you was horrendous! This could explain why she has allowed herself to get upset with the continued comparisons between her and your mom. Still, as a t, she should know that this kind of unintentional reinactment happens pretty often in therapy. She should also know that it is almost always a 2-way street.

If a therapist and patient have become embroiled and locked into a repetitive situation that feels too similar to your original traumas with your mom, then BOTH parties need to be able to step back, gain control of their emotions, and then explore together how things went awry. Both the t and the patient need to be willing and able to share how the situation made them feel, why they acted in the way that they did, and what they were hoping to gain by acting that way. Your t should not interrupt you when it is your turn to share your own feelings and perceptions.

If your t claims that you alone are acting out, and that her speech and actions have not, in any way, triggered a reinactment for you, she isn't taking reponsibility for her part in this painful situation. Even if you were acting out in some way, that still does not give a justification for her to blow her emotional cool.

The fact that she has let this situation affect her emotions to this degree is the reason why I think she is experiencing countertransference. Perhaps she has allowed herself to become attached to you such that it hurts her feelings to be compared to your mom, and she is not holding to the standard of objectivity, making sure that her own feelings don't intrude into your therapy process.

The other mistake she seems to be making is to try to force you to come to some sort of understanding or realization that she is not like your mom. Trying to force somebody to admit something doesn't work well. Even if she feels frustrated because she wants badly for you to see that she is different and trustworthy, you have to come to that conclusion over time. It can't be forced. Force will likely backfire and make you feel less trusting and secure with her.

One thing I notice from your post is that you seem to be terribly afraid to talk about the therapy relationship, particularly in terms of attachment. Is it possible that you feel more afraid to see your t as a caring, trustworthy person than to see her like your mom? Is the fear of believing that she does care, and then getting attached to her, actually feel more dangerous? If this is true for you at all, it is something that you and your t must talk about. Otherwise, your fear will prevent you from being able to see your t as anything else besides your mom.