I have been indulging in paid-for sex for 30 years, either side of marriage. Every time I do it, I am filled with self-loathing, and say "never again". However, after a few weeks/months, I am planning my next encounter. I get myself worked up into a frenzy of anticipation to a point where there is no going back, and I have to follow it through.
I started out going to massage parlours, and my tastes have got progressively more extreme. I have even become bisexual after watching a gay drama on TV, expecting to be repelled, but getting turned on instead, and gratifying myself by visiting a gay sauna. I shudder to think of the money that I have spent on my "hobby" over the years, and I need to break the cycle before I get found out and jeopordise my marriage.