Recently, I have started a new job and have been thinking about some of my actions in my previous job and I'm scared that it's going to happen all over again.

Being socially anxious sometimes I used to drink before work, just enough to take the edge off and to help me relax; however, after a few months of working there, I think sometimes this made me irritable and would sometimes have an angry outburst (along with me being sick of everyone's façade)

I remember one night we attended an awards ceremony on the same night as my birthday and we went out drinking afterwards. I was having a great night and was enjoying myself on the dance floor, until I had turned around and realized that everyone that I was with had left the club. I assumed that they had left me by myself and went to another club.

When I got home I was so angry that I actually kept hitting myself until my face had bruised so that I could gain their sympathy the next day for them leaving me.

When I came into work I soon found out that everyone was tired and got taxis home and didn't realize I was still on the dancefloor and when they (obviously) seen the bump on my head I just told them that I was drunk and can't remember and that I must have just hit my head.

I have noticed that it's when I have been drinking that my subconscious thoughts start to surface.

I would be lying if I said I don't really drink anymore; I drink in the morning before work (like I used to in my past job) to take the edge off.
Unfortunately, I feel like I just have no personality or sense of self without it!

Obviously, this is wrong and I know that. I have finally made an appointment with my GP, but sometimes I feel like I'm being dramatic and end up putting it off.

Do you ever just feel like your thoughts aren't your own sometimes?