Oh, I agree...I think that's part of why I was shaking when I left yesterday. Because I felt that connection and attachment. It's hard for me to say right now if it's definitely transference--or what kind it would be. I mean, he's only 7 years older than me and not unattractive. At first, he seemed pretty arrogant--as one poster eloquently put it, following a particular e-mail to me (the one where he insisted on being called "Dr. T"), he seemed like an arrogant douchebag. And that's not the sort of person I'm generally drawn to (either romantically or in an authority figure/mentor), so I figured I was all good. And that I also got a sense he was more detached, less caring. And at first it seemed he was kind of siding with MC...

But then, over the past couple months, he's seemed much more down-to-earth and also caring--particularly in his lengthy (paid) response to an e-mail I sent him a couple weeks ago. And seems to be really listening to me and validating me regarding the MC stuff, rather than immediately trying to defend his colleague/friend (they used to work together). It seems weird for me to say that's a bad development--like "Oh no, this person turned out not to be a detached jerk!" But it just scares me in terms of attachment and transference.

Of course I worry about how he'd react if/when I get attached/have transference, after what happened with MC (particularly recently). I worried he'd be afraid to work with me after I was really open about stuff with MC during I think our third session. His response at the time was that he couldn't ethically abandon me--which didn't help! Because that felt like he was saying, "Well, I'm stuck with you now..." But since then, we've broached the topic of--what if I become attached to him? And he's said that he wouldn't just drop me, that we'd work through it. That he's experienced it before (no surprise, as he focuses on teens, like MC). I still worry, of course... Then again, maybe he realizes I'm already somewhat attached...

I think you're right regarding MC. I kept thinking that, if only I had just been in individual therapy with him, we could have worked through it. Especially because he was so insistent on the benefits of working through transference. But now, I don't know. I'm realizing the damage that his inconsistent and unclear boundaries have caused. And even though he's supposedly trained psychodynamically, maybe he doesn't really have the correct skill set to handle it--or at least to handle it with me...

I realize now how important boundaries are. I feel safer with current T because his seem fairly clear and strong. With MC, I got to a point where I was somewhat dependent on him, like with the e-mailing and texting. The reassurance (even though he kept saying he needed to stop reassuring me...he'd keep doing it). I think he was just reinforcing my insecure attachment style--sometimes being there, other times not. Supporting me individually at times, then other times saying no, he had to maintain the boundaries of marriage counseling. Promising he'd never abandon or reject me, then recently saying I had to reduce contact (while claiming that wasn't pushing me away).

I'm trying really hard not to get to that sort of dependency on T, and I think the fact that he charges for e-mails and calls over a certain length and only uses text for scheduling will really help with that. (I suppose if I had unlimited funds, it might not help, but I don't!) He can generally fit me in for an extra session and has a few times, but I'm trying not to overuse that either. Like last week, the night of our session, I got really emotional about stuff with MC (I'd ended up talking about other stuff during session). I was tempted to text T and ask if we could schedule a session in the next few days. But then I was like, "No, I can handle this..." Yeah, I did end up e-mailing MC the next morning, but I think that ultimately turned out to be a good thing. I didn't contact T till I saw him yesterday.

OK, I'm rambling now. I really hope you're right, that I'll be able to work through whatever transference/attachment I develop with T. Just scared he won't be able to handle it...though I don't see it developing to nearly the level of MC for various reasons... I guess I need to bring this up with T next session, scary though it is... Right?