Had a phone session with my T yesterday due to snow. I had been walking downtown when he called. I told him I was trying to burn out some mental energy. He said that was smart.

He asked how I've been and I said not good. He asked how come. I talked about the obsessive thinking and the SH episode and the voices. He asked why I think this is happening . I said I believe it's from talking about my CSA trauma with him and that it feels like an entity is controlling my mind. I said I assume it is my dad because he knows I've been discussing what he did and he's punishing me.

We talked about my medications some . I've been going thru a lot of med changes lately . T mentioned my paranoia frequently throughout the phone call. So I guess I am being paranoid about some things.

We talked about my isolation. I told him I was thinking about going to go visit my old best friend. T said in Pennsylvania? I said yes. T said well [pause] that seems like a pretty sabotagey thing to do. I said I don't want to do drugs I just miss having a best friend. T said it would be too easy for me to get led down into the drug hole again. But that he understands I value the friendship I had with my friend. He moved away almost a year ago

I talked some about interactions at work that triggered my obsessing. T mentioned it sounds like paranoia. I told him that the worst part of this illness is not being about to decipher what thoughts are based in reality and what thoughts have been fabricated in my mind by my illness. T said yes that must be very hard

We ended the call at the hour mark