I am in my early twenties living with fear and worry every morning and it lasts all day. I want to go back to work but i have such anxiety thinking about it because i feel like such a disappointment for taking a stress leave. I feel embarrassed and scrutanized. Ive been in a horrible relationship for 3 yrs. Im so scared to leave and be alone. I panic about everything. I use to take "anti depressents" when I was 20 but stopped taking them. I also took a bit of lorazepam... But i was never diagnosed with anything. Last time i saw my doctor i was fixated on the fact that i had contracted either hiv or hep C.. I work in the healthcare feild and could have been exposed... Anyway i was just so worried about my blood tests when she asked how my mental health was i told her: ya ya everythings fine JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN BLOOD TEST) joking i didnt say that... But i was thinking it) anywho.. She dismissed me and i went on my way but thats not the point. The point is i was consumed by mania and hysteria... I often obsess about being infected ... I know its effing crazy but it consumes me. Truth is i feel trapped from living the life i should be. I also smoke alot of marijuana... Maybe its really messed me up mentally. I just want to gorge on food and watch netflix all day.