Pirate flags aren't given, they're earned. You must take a few belts out of a ceramic jug of mystery booze, learn a few songs with the refrain "yo ho ho", end all sentences with the word "ye", and command a room of uneducated seafaring criminals who double as chimps in the circus.

Once you have done this, you will have earned your pirate flag. Or you can just go down to Long John Silvers, climb the flagpole, steal the flag, and hide in the Wendy's bathroom across the street until the heat dies down.