I'm having some trouble with setting goals for myself. I want to do things this year that I know will help me out but find that I lack the courage to do them. I already told myself that I would do two things each month over the course of the year but things just haven't come my way. (Finding a job and doing the job correctly all the time were my two goals for January).

Whenever I go to job sites or just explore town for some spots to apply at, I get eager for responses that never come. I lost my job after I was the best one doing it! I know that I got fired for my diagnosis coming through my facade of what I wanted to act like all the time - and a bit of whispering .

I'm thinking about switching up my project for something that is something like move from one activity that I'd like to participate in to the next while in some way doing them all. I realized the other day that I really only had things on my list things about activities.


I post this in this thread because I've been harsh on myself and my sister in the past. I used to blame my sister for my disorder suddenly showing up in the short amount of time that I lived with her but now I realize that I was just too much of a chicken to say no and stand up for myself when she would have said we were bonding or something like, "You need to get with the times, Rebecca! You're not a Baby Boomer!" (She is so hateful sometimes it's ridiculous). We drank together and smoked cigarettes and pot which was the first time that I had tried any of those things. I still smoke a vape with nicotine in it though. I still sort of blame her influence on why I fell so hard into schizoaffective disorder from what my doctor told me.



Anyway this whole year to me is about saying yes and no to things using common sense like in that movie Yes Man with Jim Carrey in it.