I do this too....

Primarily with potential relationships. People get close, then really close....at that very moment I push them away. They get upset and I try and rekindle things...and it doesn’t work. I get upset at them, then I realize it’s my fault and proceed to beat myself up emotionally further.

I still do this....trying to rekindle something at the moment, but I’ll probably get shot down again.

My depression is really really bad.