I met with my business mentor yesterday. I was so nervous. I was nervous what she would be like, but she is a perfect fit. She made her fortune and retired at 42 (yup, 42) flipping businesses. She has a banker's eye and is all about the numbers.

She had nothing but positive things to say about my business model and my projections. She had a lot of feedback to strengthen my business plan. She gave me feedback on how to show better financial projections. All good.

We talked about financing. She made suggestions about pursuing a line of credit. If that doesn't work out, then a micro-loan. If that doesn't work out, then we may discuss other options.

She asked if I have any connections at any of the banks in town...and I realized, I have three really great connections. I know the #2 at a huge bank in town that's very supportive of the arts and would likely have a champion in her to support my proposal. I have an okay contact, same, someone very high up, at Wells Fargo, locally, who also could be a good champion for helping me get an LOC. The third, I have a high school friend who is actually the head of small business banking at BB&T locally. So I have three great connections to talk to.

I'm just having so much anxiety right now because 1) I have to sit in front of people I know and talk about my finances. And I'm not going to lie, I've had issues with finances in the past. I mean, I was unemployed for a period of time and then I was also on SSDI, I have medical debt, I have student debt. I mean, I can't pay debt down when there is no money coming in. So that could greatly affect me getting an LOC (line of credit). The thing is, I need so little money to get started, that's why I only need a LOC. My projections show that I need about $2,100 in the first 3 months and then after that I'm covering everything with cash inflow. So I'm just nervous because I have to deal with judgments from other people, and even though they aren't personal judgments, it's still emotional. I am trying to separate my emotions from it and look at it objectively.

The other anxiety is coming from needing to scale up with new clients. I feel comfortable that I can scale up, but it's also scary, because there is no guarantee. I have a lot of leads, and prospects who want to sign contracts with me, but they aren't signed yet. I suppose this anxiety is good anxiety, because it's natural to feel some stress to keep pursuing growing your client base.

But, I don't deal well with anxiety. So it's making me curl into a ball and avoid things now. It's just another obstacle to overcome, and I can do it, but I'm just...I'm scared. I'm scared I'll fail miserably. Of course, even failing miserably probably wouldn't end in anything to terrible for me. Shoot for the moon and you'll end up amongst the stars, right?

Seesaw