This is how DH feels in a way. He's very jealous of me being the host state and wants absolute control over the body himself. I'm glad that it isn't like that because he is cruel and viscious and wants to be a tyrant in the world. If he ever were to find a way to gain full control he would most certainly become a criminal which is why I strain to keep my cool so that it reduces his chances of coming out. He's the only one who has such feelings though so, that's a relief.

EDIT: Sorry you are feeling this way. How long do you usually get to have control when you're out?