So this might belong in the BPD forum, but since it is relationship-based, I’ll give it a go here.

I have been in a LDR with a man I’ve been friends with for over a decade. He’s a great man, he is fully aware of my issues with MI and has been taking a lot of my stuff on willingly and supportively. That said, being that I struggle with BPD, I also struggle hard with abandonment. I know, rationally, this guy is unlikely to go anywhere anytime soon and, if he were, his friendship would remain. But I’ve always been a massive failure when it comes to relationships—I’m needy, suspicious, moody...in short, I can be a lot to handle. He has his own MI struggles with bipolar disorder (which has been stable for some time), and understands the struggle. He says he doesn’t take some of my previous freak-outs personally, as he understands it’s the illness. However, I know that I need to get my brain under control if we are to have any kind of a chance.

As I said, I’m terrible at relationships. At 39, I’ve only had one long-term relationship which lasted a strife-filled year. I have learned a lot over the years and I understand what my triggers and shortcomings are. I am thankful that this man is patient and kind with me. However, I know that he is human and doesn’t deserve to be the brunt of the negative aspects of my illness. I can already sense that he’s pulling away a bit, maybe not because he wants out (because he says he doesn’t, and I believe him), but because he needs his own space and I have been really bad at giving that to him. I have been working on being better about that (not texting 24/7, not asking him to call me all the time, etc...he’s the type that comes home from work and just wants a little bit of peace and quiet).

Yes, I do have a T, and I have committed to working with her more intensely on this, I just haven’t been able to schedule with her in the last month bc of our conflicting schedules. I do know DBT moderately well. I am wondering what insights any of you could provide? Please, be kind. I really like and respect this person and want us to have a chance.

Thank you.