an emotionally connective relationship -- to be loved -- to heal - to be whole...

all these fit and are part of the longing. I have the connection with my T. He is very available and he actually will call me to check in at times. And he knows I love him and he is totally Ok with that. One of the things that has happened, I think - is that I never knew I could feel this way about anyone. I didn't know how to feel safe and I never knew I had it in me to love someone with all the parts of me. My marriage was abusive and I think figuring out I could love gave me the strength to leave it.

I like the word "reclaiming" -- it fits really well. There are all these younger parts that still hurt and are scared. They are the parts that cling to T - and refuse to be silent anymore. So I'm starting to feel more whole as I reclaim my past. I like thinking of T as a bridge between the holes inside. He'll need to stretch a lot, there are a lot of holes still.

Mostly I still feel like I'm on the edge of my life and there is this giant chasm - and what I want is on the other side - just hidden inside the trees. So first I have to get to the other side and then figure out what is hidden in the trees. It is frightening to be at the edge like this - what if I fall in? And it is lonely too.

There it is again -- that longing to be rescued. How many more years in therapy can I possibly need!