If it's causing you this much stress and anxiety, I think you should talk to your T. Maybe they can help you... either help you re-frame it, or help you find other things to do, so you can stop the behavior that's making you feel bad?

I hope you can find a way to talk with your T... and hope that they can react appropriately and be a help.

Can you take a break from the behavior, for now? Like... find something else that will get your attention and act as a distraction, so you can give yourself a little room to breathe?