My husband is exactly the same way! I can't figure him out! We've been married nearly 32 years and he's changed a little but not much. Now he simply says that if I want something done, to do it myself. I'm disabled and can't do all that I need, much less what I WANT. Triming the rose bushes is one of those things I can't do, at least not all the rosebushes since I'm in a wheelchair and can't reach the second row. It took me two weeks to get him out there with me and to get HIM to do the trimming at HIS OWN DISCRETION!

You say you go off on little daydreams? Maybe that's what he does. I've noticed that he gets worse at listening when he's under pressure about something. Sometimes it seems insignificant to me, but I know his emotions are different than mine.

Do you notice if you get worse at not listening when you're under pressure? That may be a key to unlock this thing.

Of course, marriage counseling is the best way to go. At least your wife could see some proof of you not liking what's going on and you trying to do something to change it. It would be good for her, too, to be able to talk to someone about what's going on.

Good luck, not-so-Leatherman. At least you know your marriage is being hurt and you want to change that. Kudos to you!