Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14
Is there really an attachment type for every child to their mother?
Can there be "no" attachment?
Is that the most lonely feeling there is?
The mother is the first person an infant encounters for attachment. Safety. Connection.
Can it be that if that connection is not a safe one, the infant does not attach with anyone?
Does that leave the infant, 53 years later, still feeling the absence of it?
What does that do to the other relationships in your life?
There's not ground to build trust on with anyone, if you have nothing to base it on.
Real safety.
When you do realize that it just wasn't there, and it was disorganized or just not there and you feel the hollowness of it -
What do you do with it?
I've pushed it aside and tried to make it right for so long.
It feels like the truth brings more distress than comfort.
This is going somewhere, and I know it, it's just really uncomfortable right now.
Thank you for hearing me.
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I've been working on this for years. It still has a huge impact on me.
I was brought home to my adoptive mother and basically just left to sleep, shut down T says more than sleep. You were already suffering a trauma. She says you never woke up for feeds. T says "you learnt crying didn't get you anything"
The preverbal abandoned/neglect is very hard to begin to narrate. But I feel we've made in roads.
T says many in the position I was in become psychotic. I didn't. I split of parts of myself and created a way in my mind to survive.
I'm often fearful of the world around me. T says, that's part of what I split iof and projected out into the world experienced as coming back at me. A 1000 fold.
Seeing life in B/W thinking is an affect of extreme abandonment and neglect because we learn to split the "bad (m) other from the" good" (m) other. . I think that's the biggest mind %=+, when a 90% abusive care giver gives a glimmer of hope that the relationship coukd be better only to snatch that away again repeatedly. It means we begin to distrust what we think and feel. Be living there must be something wrong with me because to survive I need to project all my good qualities into the (m) other.