krazybean... i am just entering that stage. i've been avoiding it for awhile. i keep thinking, "i wish she'd call". i know she won't - she doesn't read my emails until 15 min before session. she has no idea how hard this week is and how far away wed. still is. she doesn't know i did SI again yet and i can't call her to tell her.
i wrote her a long email about all this, and that i need some clarifying things; i need to know if we're working long term (since we just started), i need to know if she'll "keep" me because i'm MPD/DID and that is a hard road for t's. i want her to be at choice about it as much as i am. but since i am starting to get attached, i need to know if she's gonna go the distance before i fully attach.
i'm really scared to need her, too. i'm scared it will make me weak - open up all my defenses and leave me helpless in between sessions.
every hour or so, there is the same whispered-voiced plea 'i wish she'd call"... the the scolding from within for needing her. i almost wish i had the corage to call and just tell her it's a hard week -just for her to know that. but i can't - i can't need her that badly. not yet.
k