Well, I think you have a good attitude that is for sure. You are admitting the problem and willing to try and fix things. Another member sugessted you repeat what your wife says or at least what you feel she means. That would be a good start. I also think marriage counseling would be a healthy thing to do. Your marriage has suffered many hurts and an outsider would probably have some good solutions. There are many cities that have public health offices that offer those services. And there are many counselors that have pay scales if you do not have the finances for it.
I am glad you understand the circumstances or situations that have caused so much hurt. i would not go into therapy or any type of counseling thinking that you are going to take care of this overnight. There have been problems for many years and it will not be a quick fix. So please have patience. Listen to what is said and when you make a decision with your wife regarding what to say or what to do, stick by it. Keep your mind on that road and dont turn left or right. Your wife needs to believe that she is number one to you and that you will be there for her first! My prayers are with you Leatherman!