T's response:
"LT,
Thank you for your clarifying email, and you're right about my not defining what a 'crisis' looks like. That's something else to put on the conversation list.

I'm very sorry that you didn't get any satisfaction or closure or even comfort out of the meeting with Dr MC. I had hoped you might be able to get some clarification but evidently Dr MC either didn't understand your question, didn't have a good answer for you - or an answer that made sense to you, or didn't want to directly answer your question(s). I can understand how frustrating that can be, and I can also appreciate that you are having trouble not redefining your entire relationship with Dr MC based on how you've been feeling these past few months. Hopefully, and I would like to support you in doing this, you will be able to parcel out the good and the bad and eventually end up holding the full experience of your work and feelings for him...which will include love, disappointment, gratitude, loss, and many other feelings as well. Coping with these conflicting feelings is painful and confusing. I'm glad that D came through with a hug (kid hugs are the best) and hopefully H will be able to share with you what his feelings are about when he is ready. Until then, I would look for those things that bring you peace and clarity. Maybe a little exercise or meditation, journaling, listening to music, playing with D, reading a good book, going for a walk, talk to your friends, etc. I would encourage you not to turn to alcohol, or at least not in excess.

I didn't recall hearing the story about this High School teacher. I'd have to re-read my notes - but would you do me the favor of reminding me about it when we are in session? There is clearly a pattern here that is worth exploring and understanding. Both Dr MC and this HS teacher are older men and also both are 'unavailable.' If either of them were to express and/or reciprocate your feelings of affection there would be dramatic repercussions to their lives and careers. In a way, you set yourself up for heartbreak by having these kinds of feelings since either man would have to give up both family and career to be with you. It's very sad and tragic that this happened - and has now happened to you again!

So you're aware, I'll be largely unavailable the next couple of days, but if you find yourself in a 'crisis' (again. yet to be defined) I will be checking email periodically. Of course there is always crisis intervention ([name of local crisis line]) and the hospital. Hopefully you will be able to remain safe until Monday, where I'd be able to meet you at my office.

I hope this email helps, and that you are able to get some rest. This too shall pass. You're alive and healthy, as is your daughter, and your husband may be upset but he's fought for your marriage by your side for a few years now and you share a life together. Have faith in your ability to cope and struggle through.

Sincerely,
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