Quote:
Originally Posted by xRavenx
I regret a conversation I just had with my friend. Sometimes we give each other advice on different things, including relationships. She was in an abusive relationship and I might have come off a little strong by telling her to be careful about going back. There was another guy she might get involved with, where there are a lot of red flags too.
I worry that instead of coming off supportive, I came off as a know-it-all, when that was not my intention whatsoever, and I want to be supportive. It's just that I don't want to see her hurt. I guess it's just that if someone gives me feedback on something and comes from a good place, I am usually okay with it and won't get mad. Now, I realize that some people are more sensitive than others.
There was a different time where she got mad at me for a misunderstanding over something very little, where she stopped talking to me for about a month with no contact whatsoever, not once talking to me about what was wrong. I didn't even know if she was okay or not. I can imagine her reaction being worse this time around. I hate to admit it, but she has been very passive aggressive. In this situation though, I can understand her not liking the way I came off.
I know I need to make changes, and I immediately texted her with an apology. She has not answered. I don't really know if I should try to reach out to her again, or if I should just let it ride?
I do not know what to do to make it up to her. Also, I'm not sure how to deal with guilt??? I have tendencies where I always feel the need to be on good terms with everyone and know where I stand.
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I understand. I tend to have a hard time sugar coding things when I am trying to be supportive. Especially if I am hurting for my friend and I have her best interest at heart. And, I used to expect my friends to be okay with it. I don’t anymore. I have believed that if we are already friends, established a strong foundation, why do I have to walk on eggshells and mince my words when being supportive? Why can I not call it as is? Especially if I see my friend about to make a wrong decision (i.e., going back to an abusive relationship).
If we are good friends, it should not be perceived as an attack because it is not. Of course, I don’t do that anymore. I stopped being honest and started catering to my audience a while ago. Instead, I mince my words and be very gentle with my delivery. And, sometimes I don’t really tell all my concerns and only tell what they want to hear.
I lost friends due to my honesty and now I am being more gentle. I have learned that not everyone wants to hear honesty. They call it judgement. Most want their suffering to be validated or look for support for their wrong decisions (i.e. going back to an alcoholic bf).
Also, you mentioned that your friend has been acting passive aggressive. May be subconsciously you resent her for that and that resentment got channeled through as anger while you were communicating?
I don’t think you messed up. If you have your friend’s best interest at heart, then your conscious can sleep well tonight. Also, she may need to do some self reflection. She cannot control you with her sensitivity. That is not fair.