smh, I am disabled...
I sometimes have no idea if I’ll be able to recover. I know it’s also me who’s stopping the recovery process. For instance, my objections to AD use which I believe to be justified.
I sometimes think it’s best if I put myself to rest. I am just ungrateful of the life I’ve been given. I have this ideal image that my life could be better, and working on that kind of ideal feels damaging to my body... so I end up being on a burnout for quite some time.
Despite all that, the idealization has the bright side of hoping for a brighter and brighter future. But things seem so bleak