I understand. I tend to have a hard time sugar coding things when I am trying to be supportive. Especially if I am hurting for my friend and I have her best interest at heart. And, I used to expect my friends to be okay with it. I don’t anymore. I have believed that if we are already friends, established a strong foundation, why do I have to walk on eggshells and mince my words when being supportive? Why can I not call it as is? Especially if I see my friend about to make a wrong decision (i.e., going back to an abusive relationship).
If we are good friends, it should not be perceived as an attack because it is not. Of course, I don’t do that anymore. I stopped being honest and started catering to my audience a while ago. Instead, I mince my words and be very gentle with my delivery. And, sometimes I don’t really tell all my concerns and only tell what they want to hear.
I lost friends due to my honesty and now I am being more gentle. I have learned that not everyone wants to hear honesty. They call it judgement. Most want their suffering to be validated or look for support for their wrong decisions (i.e. going back to an alcoholic bf).
Also, you mentioned that your friend has been acting passive aggressive. May be subconsciously you resent her for that and that resentment got channeled through as anger while you were communicating?
I don’t think you messed up. If you have your friend’s best interest at heart, then your conscious can sleep well tonight. Also, she may need to do some self reflection. She cannot control you with her sensitivity. That is not fair.