Thanks for the replies everyone!

I know that I was not adopted or anything like that. I resemble both of my parents and my grandparents far too much. I remember when I was about 16 asking my mother how bad this secret could be - I named off several things I thought it may be and she denied them all. She herself went through shock therapy in the 60s and a lot of her memory is shot so maybe she really doesn't remember now that she's elderly. My sister, who supposedly also knew, is a mean and manipulative person. I wouldn't put it past her to just keep lying to me. I have a brother and several aunts and uncles on both sides, but have no relationship with any of them and haven't spoken in years.

The part that disturbs me the most is that two gynecelogical specialists asked me if I had been traumatized - specifically saying that they had seen signs of what usually is the result of an old trauma - won't go into specifics out of decency - but given the nature of their practice, I think you can figure it out.

I can remember bits and pieces of my childhood from the time I was 3. Then there are years after that that are completely gone - I can't remember a single thing. I do remember that we had two - would have been in their late teens/early twenties - men who were friends of the family that lived with us. Don't remember why, how long, why they left, etc. Maybe that's totally irrelevent but just something that pops into mind.

I guess when it all comes down to it, it's a question of whether the memory itself would be more painful if you knew the truth vs. living with the uncertainty for the rest of your life. That was my husband's question to me when I first started talking about this. Perhaps it's best to talk with my therapist about letting go of this memory and learning to understand and possibly even forgive whoever might have been responsible - if anything even happened at all. Maybe that's the safest way to move forward??

Thank you all for the advice and concern. It's hard to find people to talk to about these things that understand.