I'm having what may be similar problems with my T. I leave the session, or more accurately sometime after the session, with a frightening sense of confusion. I have been trying to figure it out, and have made some progress in doing so. I am reluctant to say much about it here, partly because I still do not understand it well enough, and partly because many of the reactions I get here are not helpful. Shall we (I) say that I feel fairly sure that my therapist reminds me of my mother in some of the things that he does, and that I have a hard time distinguishing between the two. I have thoughts about the T that I do not want him to know about, and that causes my mind to blank out and forget what my actual thoughts are. Of course, with my mother I did the same sort of thing because any time I had a "wrong" thought and let it leak out (which I could not help as a child) I was likely to get severely punished. To the extent that I believed I was in peril of my life. This was an ever-present feature of my childhood, lasting many years. Most of my memories of my childhood are gone.

The problem is, that I see my T (and many, most other people) as having the same sort of problem that I do. That is, thought-censorship. I think I am not wrong about this. He really does do (say) things that I feel he does not understand why he says them. He has an automatic response to what I (and others I have observed) say or do. He does not see himself doing it. It is called counter-transference -- and he is unaware of it. In my experience MOST if not all therapists do this. Most PEOPLE do it. I do it. But now I am aware of doing it. My perception of how widespread this unawareness is panics me. It is horrible.

Trying to communicate this to the T is very hard. I cannot do it when I am confused (which is most of the time in session) -- or rather, when I try to do it in my confused fashion he does not get it -- or actually rejects it. Even if I am not confused at the time, and try to relate this to him, I think he will reject it. Like most people, he sees this kind of feedback as an attack from a parent-figure. Instead of listening, he talks. He reacts with contra-diction (counter-speech) to my speech. Instead of hearing my fears, he wants to "cure" them by rejecting them, by "explaining' why they are incorrect. Many here do the same. In the name of "help" they do not give time to listen first. It does not help. It frightens me more. His "re-action" to my speech gets into my own mind whenever I try to formulate a thought, and stops it cold.

There is a history of mental health people needing too badly to "help" the sufferer, and producing treatments that harm rather than help. Did anyone watch "The Lobotomist" on PBS last night?