I've been working on this for years. It still has a huge impact on me.
I was brought home to my adoptive mother and basically just left to sleep, shut down T says more than sleep. You were already suffering a trauma. She says you never woke up for feeds. T says "you learnt crying didn't get you anything"
The preverbal abandoned/neglect is very hard to begin to narrate. But I feel we've made in roads.
T says many in the position I was in become psychotic. I didn't. I split of parts of myself and created a way in my mind to survive.
I'm often fearful of the world around me. T says, that's part of what I split iof and projected out into the world experienced as coming back at me. A 1000 fold.
Seeing life in B/W thinking is an affect of extreme abandonment and neglect because we learn to split the "bad (m) other from the" good" (m) other. . I think that's the biggest mind %=+, when a 90% abusive care giver gives a glimmer of hope that the relationship coukd be better only to snatch that away again repeatedly. It means we begin to distrust what we think and feel. Be living there must be something wrong with me because to survive I need to project all my good qualities into the (m) other.