You know, Open Eyes brings up a good point about people who have suffered abuse having a hard time with criticism. I also think there's a way to be honest with people and be mindful that they don't feel judged. Remember the TRUTH as you see it is subjective. Because we can only judge from our perspective, so the truth is subjective, it's your opinion of the matter. When you are telling them your opinion, you say it's the truth, but it's the truth of your opinion, not the truth of the whole situation. So your opinion is a judgment.

When someone comes to me for validation and support, I try to gauge what will be helpful to them in what they need to hear. Not what TRUTH I espouse to tell them. Or feel entitled to tell them. I'm not talking about being dishonest or walking on eggshells and avoiding things. I'm talking about being sensitive to another person's feelings. I'm getting really tired of people saying "oh I'm just really direct and blunt" when really they are being insensitive and putting their need to say their opinion over the person who needs support, whether it's a friend or whatever, and their feelings, which is the whole purpose of the conversation.

I think, if you are offering advice or support, remember that with every word you speak your intent is to help the other person and take that into consideration with what you say and how you say it. It's not about your opinion. It's about helping them make a decision that they feel good about.

So, to your thing, Raven, about whether or not she's mad at you, I agree that if she's upset she needs to come out and say it. If you've texted her and apologized, all you can do is sit and wait for her to get over it. I'm not sure how long it has been since you texted...I would think allowing her a few days to settle her emotions, especially if she's been emotionally abused and is sensitive, would be fair.

I also think having an honest conversation about your friendship would be a good thing. You could say to her, "I know sometimes I come off as harsh, but I don't mean to. I really just want to help. But when you disappear and won't talk to me or tell me that I've upset you, I can't do anything about it."

If she has been abused, then it's very likely that she avoids conflict at all costs. So when she's upset with you, she just cuts you off and eats her emotions so she doesn't have to deal with it. Learning to deal with conflict with you, her friend, could be good for her as she moves forward and learns to manage conflict in a healthy, communicative way.

I know it's difficult to be someone's friend when they lean so heavily on you and it's one-sided, but you are doing such a nice and compassionate thing by being there for her.

Maybe take a break and set up some boundaries for yourself like of how often you will listen to her and counsel her, so you don't burn out.

Seesaw