Let's face it guys and gals. Those of us sitting here that have bipolar disorder, have an incredible gift. The demonic beast in us that can unleash an unlimited supply of creativity and energy for a few day to a few weeks. During my manic episodes, I have pulled off some pretty impressive stunts and have learned an incredible amount of stuff in a short time.

Here is my problem. I have gotten myself to a point where I don't need my medication but on a prn basis. My P-Doc is quite impressed with how well I manage my condition. Now, my life has gotten so stable and routine, the beast inside me sleeps.

Right now, I am working two jobs, and going to school for teaching. However, I am making steady, productive, progress. Honestly, I admit I absolutely hate living a normal life, it sucks. I like my chaotic up and downs better, well the ups mostly.

There are two things that drive me. Stress and mania. I can not get myself under stress anymore. I have learn to manage things through therapy so easily, that now it really doesn't matter what life throws at me. Think of someone throwing a football at the back of your head and you turn around and catch it at the last minute with confidence. That's the key visual here.

Two things are on my mind with wanting to wake the beast. The school I go to lets you take classes as fast you can take them. First, my grandfather has dementia, and he always wanted to see me graduate from college. In the next couple years, his prognosis is not looking good, and same for my grandmother, who suffered from a massive blood clot and had to be flown 2 hours to another hospital, and died twice in route. They are still here. But I don't want to be a disappointment and I want to make them happy, before their time is up. Second, after my divorce, my high school sweetheart, wants to be with me, not just hanging out, but a serious relationship. I miss her so much. She drives, motivates, and coaches me everyday to do my best and I do the same for her. I mean I seriously love this woman and would do anything for her. We both has crappy marriages and now, we realized we were meant to be. Things just got out of hand after high school, I had to go sit in the hospital for a week on observation and she got kicked out of her house for having a black friend and I couldn't find her for nearly 5 years. I just cant be with her right now, until I finish my degree, then I can have the love of my life again.

Anyways, after reading. The question is should I play with fire? I know my P-Doc would be pissed for pulling a stunt like this. But if I could keep a full blown mania episode burning for about three months. Yes, it is possible, I have very severe bipolar and have gone up to 12 days without sleep except a 30 min nap every other day. I have no doubt I could finish all my classes, and be ready to student teach in July. Putting me for graduation in December. There could be consequences, but all risks come with risks! I love that quote!