let me get this straight. because you cant have sex they are supposed to not have sex... no offense here but theres a thing where a person cant control how another person is feeling. if two people in a relationship are feeling the need or want for sex they feel it. it would be like saying my wife could not take care of her own sexual needs because I had no sexual feelings/ urges at the same time as she did.

human beings bodies dont work on a thing where people only feel the urge for sex when everyone else does, if it worked that way then everyone in the whole world would procreate/ have sex at exactly the same moment.

my point is yes you may be in a threesome relationship but your feeling depressed and not sexual doesnt prevent their bodies from feeling and needing sex. it just says your body doesnt feel that way...

maybe they were including you by having sex in the same bed that you were in at that moment and leaving it up to you whether you wanted to participate or not.

kind of like my wife and I when one isnt feeling sexual we help the other by being there in spirit and mind when our bodies dont match up. I dont hold it against my wife for doing what needs to be done for herself when I dont feel like participating, I enjoy the fact that we know how to honor our bodies while at the same time honoring each others biological feelings dont quite match up. I respect her wish to be sexual when her body is sexual and respect her wish when she doesnt want or need sexual gratification/ satisfaction and she has the same love and respect for me.

my suggestion is maybe you can leave the room, when you are not feeling sexual you can if you dont want to be part of being there in spirit and mind when your body cant do the work, polyfidelity doesnt mean everyone in the relationship can only have sex when all are feeling sexual, it just means that those in the relationship only have sex with each other not people outside the relationship, bottom line is you cant control their physical bodies no more than they can control your having depression, its not like they have asked another person to take your place. they just had sex in the same bed you were in so that if you chose to, you could participate. you could have left the room.

maybe you can all sit down and talk about how their idea of a polyfidelity relationship is apparently different than yours. and what you all want to do.