For me, the worry/trust issue of T leaving morphed into not having that issue anymore, like having a symptom that's doing something for you and not needing that protection anymore and losing the symptom? I never understood it from within, living with it, had to wait until the symptom went away and look back and wonder why I felt the way I did originally.

I made almost tangible stories out of incidents that happened that I could remember and use later like a kind of tool. I still hear my T's voice in my head from 25 years ago saying, "Not with that attitude!" and use it when I get too ornery for myself. Think of situations you do remember and why you have chosen to remember those and take comfort going through them like they're a pack of magic cards that you're adding to as you go through therapy and that can be used singly or in combination to get you out of most scrapes when you can't "find" your T. Think of such times as "tests". You can't learn to manage on your own without some practice?