Ok, before I tell you the story, I thank you in advance if you read it all.

A bit of a back story to give you a better picture to analyze the problem.

I haven't dated for the better part of 16 years. By choice, yes that means no sex. My husband cheated on me repeatedly and at first is was to protect myself. Then it was just to focus on raising my children and building my career. About nine years ago, I reconnected with a man I knew 15 years ago. He was married at that time. He was not married when we reconnected. He was however newly divorced. His ex-wife did a number on him. Cheating, manipulating, you name it, she did it most likely. He also waited until he was 25 before having sex, and he lost his virginity to her. For the better part of 8 years, he has 'played' the field so to speak. He has not let any woman get close to him, with the exception of me. We have been best friends for almost 9 years. We take vacations together, he runs big purchases by me, I am basically his surrogate wife. For the better part of that time we never had sex. Never touched sexually, his choice. I wanted too, repeatedly. I am sorry, this is so complicated, but I feel you need all the details in order to help me effectively.

About three years ago, he started sending sexual pictures and hinting at playing via text. Then he would request stories that I would write, all fictional, about us having sex. Basically, my fantasies. I of course, played along, because best friend or not. I love this man very much. I know he ex did a number on him. I am not foolish. But things have started to progress. From exchanging pictures, then it was the stories, then it was sexting. Out of the blue one day in October, he initiated staying over with me and saying I could touch him for the first time. And yes I mean sexually. We have shared a bed many times through the years so his staying the night was not abnormal. But this was new. He is highly introverted.

He made sure he had ground rules. I could only look at first. Next he insisted I touch him. anyway, we have not had sex, all foreplay. One time during our "sexting" he insisted I boss him around, completely new instance between us. He won't touch me most of the time. He says he is torturing me, because he does like to tease me in the rest of our interactions. He knows I am in love with him. He loves me, he has said so, but has stated it in the past as only a friend. All before the sexcapades started. Last night we almost consummated. All while he insisted that I touch him. He wouldn't touch me at all, he usually at least has his hands in my hair. Finally....I said to him and I quote "Want to know a secret?" He said "Sure" I stated "You know that if you just quit torturing me, we could start living out those stories and fantasies." His reply was, "Of course, but that's not a secret."

Okay, if you managed to read all of that, I am sorry it was so long. I just need help understanding him better. I know him better than anyone, but this is new territory. Thank you for your time.